seriously considering adding a fake "visitor counter" to my site that just goes up by 7 every time someone loads it

so i run a tiny site that's basically my photos of good graffiti, plus a page where i rank parking garages by how creepy teh stairwells are. analytics says i get maybe 11 humans a week and around 900 bots that are very into my stairwell rankings for some reason. i miss the old hit counters the ugly green digital ones. my uncle had one on his angelfire page about lawnmower repair and it said 48,000 visits, and i'm pretty sure 47,000 of those were him refreshing it to check. so the plan is to put one back but it wont be accurate. it'll go up by 7 every load, sometimes by 13, and on tuesdays it goes backwards. nobody will ever trust it and i think that's sort of the charm. real numbers just make me sad about the 11. my girlfriend says that's "lying on teh internet." i said that's what the internet runs on, and she left the room, which i'm counting as a win. does anybody still have a hit counter, real or fake? and does a fake one count as a small crime or as a bit of tasteful digital vandalism on my own property. i'm leaning toward the second one ob

haha the lawnmower uncle is amazing!! honestly i kinda love the +7 idea, but make it random-ish so nobody can reverse engineer it... or dont, maybe an obviously fake counter is part of the charm lol

i had one of those green LCD style counters on my geocities page about variable stars in like 2003 and i forgot the password like three weeks later so it's probably still sitting out there somewhere counting bots!! fun fact while im here, Mira was the first variable star anyone noticed, and it swings so much in brightness that it disappears from naked eye view for months at a time... which is basically what my old site's traffic did

also if you want the full retro vibe you HAVE to add a midi that autoplays. bonus points if its something obscure, i'd vote for a chiptune cover of a Rentals song but i'm biased

wait what are stairwell rankings?? i need to know more about this